I’m not sure why we framed this comic as if one of us had recently purchased a bidet. That certainly isn’t the case. We only started talking about bidets because we read a chainsaw suit comic about them, but we kept talking about them for a while and eventually looked up how to use one. It turns out that you need to fill a lot of bidets up and just dunk your butt into the water. Then, you’re supposed to use your hand to wipe “like you would in the shower.” Not only does this hardly seem hygienic, you need to burn a towel to dry your butt every time you use it. And more importantly, how do they know my showertime butt crack cleaning rituals? I would never assume that knowledge about someone. I just don’t watch enough people showering to make that call.